Department of Offense

0′bama has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective 01 June 2010.
This is only a preview as the complete rule book is being rewritten as we speak.

Here are a few of the changes:

Golfers with handicaps:
- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- above 18 will get a $25 check each time they play.

The dollar amount placed in bets will be as follows:
-for handicaps below 10, an additional $10.
-between 11 and 18, no additional amount.
-above 18, you will receive the total amount in the pot even if you do not play.

The term “gimme” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:
-handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
-handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
-handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par,can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term ‘net score’ will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.

This is intended to ‘redistribute’ the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only ‘net score’ against every other player’s gross score.

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.
Golf must be about Fairness.
It should have nothing to do with Ability.

In other words, pilgrim, “How Chris Matthews felt before wetting himself over a B.H.O. speech.”

First, before The One actually speaks, the liberal victim sees a dove descending from the clouds, resting on Obama’s shoulders. They don’t see an ordinary dove, though. It’s a multicultural dove, donning a Mohammad-approved turban and waving a sparkling rainbow flag.

Obama steps up to the podium, which, second, causes the liberal victim to loose all brain functionality–specifically the brain functionality of critical thinking.

Third, in great anticipation to the words, er, miracles about to be proclaimed from His Holiness’s mouth, the liberal victim starts to drool, pant, and he even breaks into hot sweats. The liberal victim’s heart is beating faster and faster, eager to digest every last syllable from Obama’s mouth, even if those words are giant slabs of nothingness.

The speech is delivered, and sure enough, the rhetoric is heaps and heaps of nothingness.

That matters not to the liberal victim. He is, fourth, overwhelmed by the excitement generating from his pants, and bam, faints.

Lastly, the liberal victim is strongly encouraged to keep a second set of clean underwear handy, just in case there’s another incident upon waking from the comatose state during the same speech.

I’m sure you’ve seen friends or colleagues treat Obama as though he’s no mere mortal. I’d love to hear about it.

Jason Mattera
1474 North Point Village Center, Reston, Virginia 20194-1190, Box 313

By: J.P. Freire
Associate Commentary Editor
04/20/10 1:41 PM EDT

Financial professional work in the Goldman Sachs booth on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange in New York City. (Photo by Chris Hondros/Getty Images)
Campaign contributions from Goldman Sachs employees to President Obama are nearly seven times as much as President Bush received from Enron workers, according to numbers on OpenSecrets.org.

President Bush’s connections to Enron were well-hyped during the company’s accounting debacle that rippled through the economy. Time magazine even had an article called, “Bush’s Enron Problem.” The Associated Press ran with the headline, “Bush-backing Enron makes big money off crisis.” David Callaway wrote that Enron for Bush was worse than Whitewater for Clinton.

But the mere $151,722.42 (inflation adjusted) in contributions from Enron-affiliated executives, employees, and PACs to Bush hardly add up to Obama’s $1,007,370.85 (inflation adjusted) from Goldman-affiliated executives and employees. That’s also not taking into account how much Goldman contributed to Obama cabinet member Hillary Clinton ($415,595.63 inflation adjusted), which was itself almost three times as much as Bush received as well.

It would be fair to say that the total amount the Obama administration has received from those affiliated with Goldman Sachs is ten times that of what Bush received from Enron.

Goldman is being sued for civil fraud by the Securities and Exchange Commission for deliberately putting unwitting clients on the wrong side of a mortgage security trade that had been designed to fail.

Read more at the Washington Examiner: http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/blogs/beltway-confidential/Is-Goldman-Obamas-Enron-No-its-worse-91613449.html#ixzz0lfsncORo

In a huge win for the free market and limited government, a federal appeals court put a halt to the Federal Communications Commission’s attempt to exert its authority over the Internet and its power play to regulate the companies who provide access to it.

The decision, issued by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia, centers around the FCC’s efforts to enact “net neutrality,” a policy that would prevent ISPs such as AT&T, Verizon and Comcast from managing the flow of traffic on the Internet by discriminating among content and applications that put a high load on their networks.

The case at hand stemmed from a 2007 FCC complaint by non-profit organizations who alleged that Comcast violated the law when it interfered with its customers’ use of peer-to-peer file sharing networking programs, which drag down Internet speeds. Comcast defended its actions as necessary to manage scarce network capacity, while proponents of net neutrality advocate for the principle of “free and open Internet.” Enter the FCC, which decided to take action to regulate the Internet, much like it regulates other forms of telecommunications.

The problem is that the FCC simply doesn’t have that authority, as the court recognized today.

The FCC argued for an expansive interpretation of its authority by virtue of federal law, which says “The Commission may perform any and all acts, make such rules and regulations, and issue such orders, not inconsistent with this chapter, as may be necessary in the execution of its functions.”

The court, though, didn’t buy it. It held:

… [N]otwithstanding the “difficult regulatory problem of rapid technological change” posed by the communications industry, “the allowance of wide latitude in the exercise of delegated powers is not the equivalent of untrammeled freedom to regulate activities over which the statute fails to confer . . .Commission authority.”

That’s good news for Internet users, but it’s also good news for America as a whole.

As Heritage’s James Gattuso wrote last year, the end result of a net neutrality policy would be “a slower and more congested Internet, and more frustration for users. Even worse, investment in expanding the Internet will be chilled, as FCC control of network management makes investment less inviting. The amounts at stake aren’t trivial, with tens of billions invested each year in Internet expansion.”

And as for America? With each passing day, federal agencies promulgate more rules and regulations that amount to a pile of red tape that wind up costing Americans some $1.1 trillion per year, according to a 2005 study by the Small Business Administration.

As the United States struggles to regain its economic footing, the last thing we need is yet another agency to grab more power, create new regulations, and hamper the growth – and speed – of the Internet.

Tags: comcast, FCC, Federal Communications Commission, internet, net neutrality

Author:
Mike Brownfield

WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France , or maybe China .

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty – starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska – which will take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come. If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, “darn tootin.”

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America . It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won’t forget. To the nations on List 2, a final
thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic. God bless America . Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.